Too Many Flits Spoil The Breakfast
Jul 3, 2020 15:47:02 GMT -5
Post by Geoff on Jul 3, 2020 15:47:02 GMT -5
Geoff was not an emotional man, but this was already about to bring him to tears. Tears of frustration, and irrational anger at the irrational universe, but tears nonetheless.
He often had eggs for breakfast. By the grace of God, this planet had normal chicken eggs for sale, or something that was similar enough to be interchangeable and he didn't want to question it too deeply for his own mental health.
The first egg hadn't even been cracked yet when a head popped out of it. A lizard head. This was not normal, and might have shaken him a bit more awake, but was nothing he couldn't handle. Shooing the lizard away, he got another egg out, and cracked it into the pan, and by it we mean yet another lizard. They weren't all lizard eggs, surely? He held one up to the light and saw no unusual silhouettes in it. He cracked it into the pan, and it cracked a normal egg yolk and normal egg white. Okay. Good. He turned to grab the pepper shaker. He turned back to a lizard flapping its way out of the pan with indignant protests.
Good thing he hadn't turned the heat on very high.
It happened again, and again. He'd pick up an egg, and it would crack open fine, even cook fine, but the moment he turned his gaze from it, lizard. Tiny winged lizards. He should have given up, and as far as getting a successful breakfast he had given up after the second egg. His quest to determine how many times it would keep happening was not going to end until he broke the last shell available to him, however, and his official conclusion was every single egg was secretly an alien lizard and he hated eggs on principle now.
Could he eat them still. Would that be so wrong. It was still protein... No, probably not worth the energy of catching them all, as they had already crawled and flapped away and scurried about.
Geoff sighed. He needed an exterminator. Or something more humane, maybe, as long as it got them out of his house.
He didn't know what it meant, but a bunch of drums started banging in the distance as he made a sign with a sharpie and some cardboard: FREE LIZARDS. He did not notice when the sign switched itself to say FIREE LEEZARDS.
Anyone who noticed the sign and stopped by the house to enquire within would be given the same flat directions: "You catch it, you keep it."
He often had eggs for breakfast. By the grace of God, this planet had normal chicken eggs for sale, or something that was similar enough to be interchangeable and he didn't want to question it too deeply for his own mental health.
The first egg hadn't even been cracked yet when a head popped out of it. A lizard head. This was not normal, and might have shaken him a bit more awake, but was nothing he couldn't handle. Shooing the lizard away, he got another egg out, and cracked it into the pan, and by it we mean yet another lizard. They weren't all lizard eggs, surely? He held one up to the light and saw no unusual silhouettes in it. He cracked it into the pan, and it cracked a normal egg yolk and normal egg white. Okay. Good. He turned to grab the pepper shaker. He turned back to a lizard flapping its way out of the pan with indignant protests.
Good thing he hadn't turned the heat on very high.
It happened again, and again. He'd pick up an egg, and it would crack open fine, even cook fine, but the moment he turned his gaze from it, lizard. Tiny winged lizards. He should have given up, and as far as getting a successful breakfast he had given up after the second egg. His quest to determine how many times it would keep happening was not going to end until he broke the last shell available to him, however, and his official conclusion was every single egg was secretly an alien lizard and he hated eggs on principle now.
Could he eat them still. Would that be so wrong. It was still protein... No, probably not worth the energy of catching them all, as they had already crawled and flapped away and scurried about.
Geoff sighed. He needed an exterminator. Or something more humane, maybe, as long as it got them out of his house.
He didn't know what it meant, but a bunch of drums started banging in the distance as he made a sign with a sharpie and some cardboard: FREE LIZARDS. He did not notice when the sign switched itself to say FIREE LEEZARDS.
Anyone who noticed the sign and stopped by the house to enquire within would be given the same flat directions: "You catch it, you keep it."